what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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