the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
