I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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