We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
