i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
