He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
