im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
