my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
