you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
