In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
