i jhust puked up my retainher.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
