This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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