put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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