i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
