i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I want to be your penis for a week.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
