70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
