Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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