I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
