dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
