I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
