I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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