I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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