I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
