Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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