I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
