my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
