Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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