I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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