it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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