Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
