long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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