I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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