Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
