the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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