the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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