she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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