Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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