Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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