idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
