I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
