Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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