I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
