why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
