It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
