Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
