How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
