I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
