He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
