ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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