??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
