it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
