then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
