everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
